Pregnancy: it’s a Strange, Strange Miracle – Part One

Ashlee and I in our younger days

In our younger, unmarried days, Ashlee and I sat around musing about what kind of pregnant ladies we might be. I believe, if I remember correctly,that I decided she would keep right on going with life and just… be pregnant! Now a mother, during her pregnancy Ashlee fundraised for the mission she and her husband had joined, planned and executed a cross-continental move, established her household in a new country where she did not speak the language, and began teaching high school (something she’d never done before!). It certainly wasn’t easy, but she definitely ploughed on with life! As for me… Ashlee predicted that I’d be the sickest pregnant lady you’ve ever seen, but insist that I was fine, and that it’s all such a miracle! I have a bit of a confession – she was kind of right!

I’m not the sickest pregnant lady ever. I know sicker. But I was in denial a bit about how sick I’ve been and the toll this pregnancy has taken on me. And it is a miracle!

We learned we were expecting very early on. I was tired, felt off and was sick to my stomach several days in a row. We’d planned on testing, but one night after throwing up for the second time that day I demanded Coleman pass me the pregnancy test because I wanted to know if I had the flu or a reason to be happy about being sick. It was about 8:30 at night and almost right away the test said ‘YES’ – we were pregnant!

YES!

We were so stunned and excited! I forgot about throwing up and we immediately snuck out to the only store open in town – WalMart – and subtly made our way to the baby section, keeping an eye out for anyone we knew. We scanned the shelves, bought a magazine and snuck back home to be giddy and excited together.

The next day I was sick – and the next one and the next one. Morning, noon, night, food, no food, drink, no drink. To add to it all I had to go gluten-free, completely, to treat the Celiac disease we suspect I have, but could no longer confirm through a biopsy due to the pregnancy. And there was a very special event coming up on my calendar – I was due to fly to Germany to be with Ashlee and Nick for the birth of their son, Charlie! After consulting with my doctor he prescribed Diclectin. It helped with the nausea, and while I was still sick to my stomach most days, I was able to function in between bouts of sickness. Good enough! I hopped on a plane.

After what was, up to that point, the worst trip I’d ever taken, I made it to Germany. I don’t fly well normally. Flying alone while pregnant… I’ll just say that there were lovely flight attendants all along the way who helped take care of me.

So I arrived in Germany, and was out of it for the first few days. That was to be expected – flying usually takes a toll on me and a long trip with that much of a time change, well, we were expecting I’d be out of commission for a few days. But then I’d bounce back, right? Right?

This is how pregnant ladies bounce

Sort of. I was in complete denial at the time, but I was a mess. I was there to help take care of Ashlee, and instead, I pretty much needed someone to take care of me. We had some great moments, some funny moments with two women at opposite ends of pregnancy in a small apartment, and some tougher moments. When Charlie didn’t arrive after ten days, we decided to send me home. The trip wasn’t a failure: I’d delivered a care package from North America, we’d spent great time sitting around catching up. It was so GOOD to see Ash and Nick and Emi, and see their space and town and school. It’s really great to now be able to picture them in their apartment and town when we chat or I hear stories. But I was pretty sick, so as soon as I’d recovered enough to fly again, back on a plane I went.

I made it home. And didn’t leave the house for the next two weeks. Bed to bathroom to couch to bathroom, repeat. Coleman was AMAZING. He stepped up and did EVERYTHING. He took such good care of me, and has continued to do so. When I finally resurfaced I’d lost nearly 20 pounds, even though my belly was growing. I had the energy to move around the house and maybe go out once every two or three days. I was sleeping 16 hours a day. And there was something on our calendar…

I’d been looking forward to Impact 365 for months. When Coleman first mentioned it, it was off-hand, but I was so excited about it that we decided to go. Not being raised in the New Church I was especially excited about the chance to network with people from other congregations and to get some more experience with New Church ‘stuff’. I’ve been to outreach conferences before – how did the New Church do one? After my trip to Germany and subsequent hibernation Coleman wondered whether or not we should still go. But I was determined to go – not only did we have the conference, but then we’d planned a few days in Ottawa, a chance for Coleman to see where I grew up and for me to see friends and family. It was just two little flights to Chicago. We’d have lots of time to recover after landing before the conference. Barely a time change. It’s be simple, easy!

Blue line: normal route
Red line: our route

Nope. What was supposed to be a 2 flight trip turned into a 5 flight trip wich included two stops in Texas and a flight over Mexican airspace. Between Edmonton and Chicago we flew over Mexico. I feel like that sums it up pretty well. Oh, and this was all due to thunderstorms, which we danced with the whole way there. By the time we finally got to Chicago I was coming awfully close to the 24-hours-without-keeping-anything-down mark. And, to be honest, if we’d been in Canada where I have health coverage, we’d have been making an ER visit to get me pumped up with fluids – I was very dehydrated.

I have to note here that at every delay, every change in plans, every problem, Coleman’s vote was that we cancel the trip, go home, or go straight to Ottawa. But I was insistent we go to Chicago. We both had siblings who would be there, I really wanted to attend the sessions, I was sure we could do it. So he was all for a visit to the hospital without insurance. But I set a goal for how much I’d have to drink and eat and keep down in a certain time. If I could do it, we went to the conference. If not, the hospital. Well, God was good and once we were on solid ground, and got 90 minutes of good sleep in a bed I was able to eat a decent amount and was well on my way to being rehydrated. So to the conference (a full day late) it was!

The conference was great and the time in between sessions connecting with people was awesome. I actually had good energy during the day. I was feeling well enough that we decided we could make the one flight to Ottawa, and we did. Our visit to Ottawa was so wonderful and we got to see dear friends. We returned home a few days later on a pair of much smoother flights and we looked forward to our first full pre-natal check-up.

At our first doctor’s visit we discovered that I had regained about 15 pounds and we got to hear baby’s heartbeat with a Doppler machine. That sound made it very real. We could see that I was growing, now we heard proof of a little beating heart in there!

The next few weeks at home I started to feel better. More days without being sick and I was sleeping 12 hours a day instead of 16. But we came to realise that as much as I felt better, I was not ‘all-the-way-better’. I could do somethings during the day, but quickly learned that I could only push myself so far. One Sunday we made a trip to the ER because I’d been sick for more than 24 hours without being able to keep anything down. I was so dehydrated that when they hooked me up to an IV of fluids I actually felt my lips come back. They had shrivelled. At the hospital they confirmed what I had begun to suspect. I was not normal pregnancy sick. I have hypermesis gravidarum – severe pregnancy sickness. In reflecting on why we hadn’t realised sooner how extreme my symptoms were we realised that part of it was that I didn’t have a job. If I’d been working I would have had to quit. If I’d been in school I’d have had to drop out. But without one of those things as a marker or measure, I just spent all day on the couch or in bed and Coleman had to pick up the housework.

So with that diagnosis and the admission to myself that I was sicker than I’d thought, I reframed my thinking and expectations for the rest of this pregnancy.

Stay tuned for part two and reflections on my second trimester so far.